So today at the gym I was jamming out to VH1 Classics as I often do when on came Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher” video—you know, the one where Van Halen and their 7th grade doppelgangers make lewd and suggestive comments about teacher-beauty queen-strippers. At first I was merely struck, as I always am when subjected to anything Van Halen, at how dead-on Metalocalypse creators Tony Blacha and Brendon Small have captured the essence of David Lee Roth and the band with their characters Dr. Rockzo the Rock-n-roll Clown (I do Cocaine!) and Zazz Blammymatazz, the clown band. I mean, that dance number with them wearing matching peach suits and white gloves?! C’mon!
But as the video progressed, I became more surprised that it hadn’t been censored, or at the very least, prefaced by a disclaimer declaring it for adult audiences only. After all, here it was glamorizing, nay celebrating, what current news hysteria dubs a horrendous crime—student-teacher sex. I mean, even the original Sesame Street got slapped with a parental advisory sticker when it got released on DVD—too much depression, visible poverty, and cookie-eating for our delicate little snowflakes these days. But nope, not a single “views expressed in this video in no way reflect the opinions of VH1, VH1 Classic, or any of its affiliates” popped up.
This got me to thinking. What makes the news media so hot for teacher-student sex? Why has what was once the subject of rock songs (The Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” is another one) and bad jokes now one of the hottest headlines in a news outlet’s tackle box? Is the shock and outrage real? Merely feigned to mask our still prurient fascination with sexual coming of age? Displaced guilt? When did it stop being culturally acceptable for the young male to be initiated into sex by an older woman? Young women are almost as likely to engage in sexual activities are their male peers, so perhaps it’s a natural evolution that the current ideal seems to be for two equally inexperienced teenagers to grope their way to knowledge together.
Or perhaps it’s a reflection of our need to prolong childhood well into adolescent years, despite the hyper-sexualization of teenagers in the media. Denial is not just a river in Egypt, as my mother would say.
Yet, I think the new villainization of older women who engage in sexual contact with teen boys also reflects our changing definitions of masculinity—at least adolescent masculinity. We’re slowly becoming more accepting of seeing males as victims of sexual abuse, though the journey is constantly hindered by entrenched and entrenching ideals of hyper-masculinity. I mean, isn’t that why female teacher/male student sex was glamorized? Because being a manly man means not only wanting sex, but making women of all ages want your sex?
That’s the idea all those Axe commercials sell anyway.
For your enjoyment, Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0XLKcMoXRE
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Don't forget about a recent Oscar winning movie that still idealizes older woman/adolescent boy relationships: The Reader.
ReplyDelete"Or perhaps it’s a reflection of our need to prolong childhood well into adolescent years, despite the hyper-sexualization of teenagers in the media."
ReplyDeleteI think this is the crux of the argument against teenage sexuality in general. We've spent 2 billion dollars on "Abstinence Only" education in that naive hope that by keeping teens in the dark, they won't grope around, thus staying "innocent." The numbers are in: not only are they groping, they're groping a LOT. And we've perverted "innocence" to mean "ignorance," so situations like student/teacher relationships will probably be more widespread--because the teens simply don't know what healthy sexuality looks like. That should be a key component of comprehensive sex education: what healthy sex is and is not.