Single And The City

Nashville is having its annual Singles In The City event next Tuesday (Feb. 24th). Nashville Lifestyles are featuring the hottest single people in all of Nashville and they are going to be in one room at the Bound'ry. (Omg! Really? This is too much to handle!) All that hotness in one room, which you can be a part of...for only $45, of course.

All the single "celebrities," (I'm not kidding, that's how the ad copy reads...mingle with these "single celebrities") are featured in Nashville Lifestyles magazine, complete with professional photographs, mini-biographies, and cheesy questions ala People magazine. (Cheesy Question #1: What was the worst date you've ever been on?) The cover boy answered with a story about how he took a girl to a baseball game and she didn't know anything about baseball. So she kept asking questions and he couldn't enjoy the game. At the end, he says, "Maybe I should've asked her if she even wanted to go to the game."

Dude, I think I know why, despite your photo-shopped good looks, you are still single.

Now because I should be listed in this magazine...I am, after all, quite sexy and very single...I've decided to pretend I'm in this cheese fest and answer their own dorky questions:

OCCUPATION: Graduate Student, Singer/Songwriter, Blogger, Free Lance Blackmailer

HOMETOWN: Nobody knows where I've come from and nobody will ever know. Muhahaha.

WHAT THREE WORDS DESCRIBE YOU THE BEST: Resourceful, determined, bastard.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST ROMANTIC MOVIE: War of the Roses.

THE MOST ROMANTIC BOOK: Hannibal by Thomas Harris

THE MOST ROMANTIC SONG: Push by Matchbox Twenty (a little S&M anybody?)

DESCRIBE THE WORST DATE YOU'VE EVER BEEN ON: (True Story)

A blind date. That was rescheduled because he had a bad day and needed to go to the tanning bed. I got blown off for a tanning bed. Apparently, peeps, I can't get ya hot or brown enough. We rescheduled, at the request of the friend who set us up (my immediate response was, fuck him), but instead of going for coffee, he stated that it was too cold out (Boston in March) and said we should just stay in his apartment. He brewed his own coffee (which was crappy) and then proceeded to treat me like an audition.

"So tell me something funny."

"Um...what?"

"I want to see if you can make me laugh."

"......Okay. So there's this guy who was supposed to go out with me and instead, went to a tanning bed...."

"Not funny. Tell me something interesting."

He then proceeded to quote lines from sitcoms. It took me about two minutes but then I realized, that was a Seinfeld joke. That was from Designing Women. I don't know what was sadder...the fact that he was quoting lines from syndicated reruns or the fact that I recognized lines from syndicated reruns. When he made a Golden Girls joke, I finally looked at him and said, "I know where that's from." And then told him the episode. He ran into his bedroom for a few moments, came out, and asked me to leave.

Ever since then, I've not been a fan of blind dates. Or coffee dates, for that matter.