The Sissy

Sorry for the long absence. I went on a spring break (the joys of being a student once again) and let me tell ya, spring break loses its luster when you're 25. I did not get drunk, run around naked, or do unmentionables with a hula hoop. Nor did I wake up with someone new every morning. And I had no desire to do any of those things. In fact, I spent almost my entire break with my parents and it was wonderful.

That said, onto the first post of this week:

Why does everyone hate sissies?

It's not just the straight world anymore. I have met more than one gay guy who claims to be "straight-acting" and isn't interested in "femmes." Go onto http://www.gay.com or http://www.connexion.org and count how many profiles state that they want a "real man" or someone who's "proud to be a man" and is only interested in those who "don't act gay." Go head, I'll wait.....

.........

.........back? Okay. A lot has been written on the blogosphere about the gay rights movement and how gays should be portrayed on television. Many gays get mad about such shows as "Will & Grace" and "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" because they showcased easy gay stereotypes. I'll grant you that point. However, those stereotypes are there for a reason.

Because they exist.

Some of us gay guys are whirling, twirling dervishes of fabulousness and proud of it, dammit. And it's those guys who take the most shit...from other gay guys. (I can't speak from experience but I'd imagine butch lesbians probably get more grief than, say, the bombshell femme. Of course, I could be wrong. Lesbians? Bi-sexuals? Any thoughts?)

Here we are fighting for social equality and we're already putting down ourselves? Seriously?

It's not too hard to figure out. We want to be accepted by straight culture and so there's more and more pressure to "act straight." We want our straight friends to say, "I have a gay friend but, you know, he's not *that* gay or anything." Admit it, guys, you want to be the "can't tell if he's gay" fag, don't ya?

Problem is, most of us aren't straight acting. Truth be told, most gay guys are in the middle when it comes to mannerisms and those are the guys that can't stand the flamers the most. They project their own insecurity onto some unsuspecting sissy who wants nothing more than to dance the night away with wrists a-flayed and hips a-cocked (no pun intended). And I say, "Good for the flamer!" It takes guts in this society to be flamingly gay. People will cast their eye upon them and know without a shadow of a doubt that he is GAY with a capital G.

And all the "in the middle" guys wouldn't be caught dead walking next to a flamer because they too could be labeled as gay by passer-by's. That's really what the anti-flamer crowd is afraid of. They're "out" but they want to pass through straight culture almost undetected. They long to be a Stealthy Gay, and anyone who could blow their cover (again, no pun intended) is not well liked.

We're all guilty of thinking this way. We're taught early that men under no circumstances should ever have feminine traits. Boys don't cry, etc. etc. And many of us gay guys are still holding out for essentially our father's approval, for our families not to be embarrassed of us. We, again, want the people of our lives to say, "Well he's gay but not *that* gay." This is a stupid reason for any kind of self hatred, especially self-hatred that is projected onto somebody else.

I don't mind effeminate guys. (In fact, I can be pretty effeminate myself.) And just admitting that the reason I had steered clear of flamers is because they bring to the forefront my own homophobia and fear has allowed me to be more comfortable with strangers, friends, and myself. Truth be told, like a good morning orgasm, we all need a little sparkles in our lives and there are plenty of out and proud flames that will bring a smile to your face.

And they should get your respect too. They're tougher than you or I because they take all the shit from the entire world.